The following is an interview with Deline (DEL-in-aye) a five year old Alaskan Malamute. Deline is a princess. Her father was the king of malamutes in Canada for a number of years, (MBIS, BISS, Am. Can. Ch. Spiritrun Marlaynes Tobe Tyler, CGC) and she is adamant that everyone remember she is royalty.
Also here with Deline is her baby brother Tikhaia (Tik-HI-ah). He is an Alaskan malamute too, one and a half years old and completely lacking in dignity.
Q: So Deline, do you and your brother pull sleds?
D: We aren’t working class malamutes, and it would be way beneath us (well, beneath ME anyway) to pull a sled. We’re urban dogs.
T: We run in the country every weekend, and chase deer and coyotes and stuff…
D: …but then we come home and have Cumbrae Farms organically raised steak for dinner. Or roasted capon. Did I mention that the steak is dry aged for at least thirty days?
Q: What about you, Tikhaia - What do you like to do?
T: Eat. Bug the princess.
Q: You’re very patient with your young brother.
D: One must be tolerant of puppies. I believe that it’s our job, as adults, to guide them with a firm but gentle paw.
Q: He seems to be much larger than you….
D: Still a puppy, nevertheless. Mature in body, but not in mind.
Q: Okay then. So, I hear you have a new summer retreat. Tell our readers about it.
D: Last summer, our mom and dad bought us a lake. They seemed to think we’d be really happy about that. I have no idea why. We had to ride in the back of a smelly pick-up truck (with a cap on it so we can’t fall out) for SEVENTEEN hours, and then sleep in a crummy motel. Somebody had smoked in the room, and it was disgusting! The next morning, we got forced into this tin-can boat and I had to sit in a puddle for about forty-five minutes until we got to our estate.
T: It was so much fun getting there! I wish our mom would take the cap off her truck so I could jump out sometimes. The motel was great and we had pizza!
Q: What’s it like at your lake, Deline?
D: I think somebody needs to file a lawsuit. It didn’t have manicured lawns, it just had sand. I thought the lake itself was nice, until I found out that I was expected to drink out of it. Have you ever seen a leech? There were bugs and I got sand between my toes and I didn’t even get my own room!
T: It’s the best place ever! We got to ride in a cool boat, with the wind in our hair and everything. Then we saw our lake. Oh, man, was it neat! I got to swim in the lake with my leech friends, and the water tastes so good. Once for dinner, we had hotdogs! And the SAND! Oh, I love the sand! I can dig all day if I want! Once Daddy fell into one of my holes, and then he filled them all in, but I emptied them out again...
D: I believe I was speaking…
T: Oops, sorry.
D: Sorry, what…?
T: Sorry, Your Majesty. (Jeez.)
D: Anyway, as I was saying…
T: We chased a chipmunk!!!
D: … As I was saying, yes, there is vermin. The little wretch ate all but thirty-one of our thirty-three fresh blueberries. We had to discourage him.
T: You wanted to eat him!
D: I would never consume vermin!
Q: Okay, let’s move along. How are the accommodations?
T: It’s way cool! We have a cabin and everybody gets to eat and sleep in the same room!
D: No amenities at all… no air conditioning, no privacy, no running water….
T: We’ve got the whole lake! Why does it need to run??
D: It’s infested, that’s why!! Who knows what parasites we could get!
T: You’re an old lady.
D: You’re an idiot. Ow!!!
Q: What do you do there?
D: We are bored…
T: We swim and eat and dig and eat and chase things and eat and sleep on the beach!
Q: Any wildlife…other than the chipmunk, I mean?
T: Heee! Something big peeked at Deline when she was in the lake….
D: It was appalling! I was in the bath - so rude!
T: She got soooo mad! She barked at it and kicked up sand and stomped around!!!
D: And if I recall, YOU ran back to the cabin.
T: I was PROTECTING the cabin!!!
D: From under the bunk? Oof. Get OFF!!!!
D: One night, we heard wolves howling….
T: And you wouldn’t even let us howl back at them. Didn’t want to attract the riff-raff, you said.
D: Wolves are uncivilized.
T: Wolves are cool! Our ancestors were wolves!
D: We don’t discuss that side of the family.
T: Look at me, I’m a wolf!!! Snarl, Snarl, Snarl!
D: Cease and desist!
D: Stop it, you’re spitting on me!
T: Snarl, snarl, slather…
D: I’m warning you - let GO! You’ll be sorry!
T: Yeah, what are you gonna do to a WOLF??
And so, as our interview is declared a shambles, we eagerly await future stories of the adventures of Deline and Tikhaia at Petersen Lake and beyond!
D: That is it…OW.…now I’m mad!
T: OW!!! OW!!! OW!!! OW!!!! LEGGO!!! GET HER OFF!!!!! MOM!!!!! OWWWW!!!!!